Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - 9:14 pm: I was going to post this morning but started cleaning and didn't get a chance. Weight was 145 which is the same as yesterday and I binged on booze and sugar yesterday (basically all evening). I'm not okay and I don't know how to be okay. My best friend only talks to me when I start a conversation. He's got his own problems and I'm sure mine are tiring and stupid. My husband is asleep so can't talk to him and he'll probably be upset by some of the drama already unfolding in regards to the holidays. I'm drinking myself into a numb state to avoid all the sad I'm feeling right now. I made a safe meal (ate about 90% of it, the rest is in the fridge though I'm not sure I'll finish it). And I had a croissant and some brownie that I made. Not safe foods so it feels bingey but I'm only at 1307 cals (including the booze I've had so far) and while that's a high day it's not binge level. I don't know. I feel like I'm spiralling. One minute there's nothing in my brain. The next I'm panicking. I hate feeling like this so I'm going to have more to drink. 1500 cals. 9:14 p.m. - December 15, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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