Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ahem... 9:11 am: Well so I guess I've just been on rolling benders? Didn't weigh myself this morning but yesterday was 146.6 I think? I've been eating way too much sugar but craving salty carbs more than anything. The heavy empty feeling has just been so overwhelming. I'll be fine until I'm not and when I'm not I NEED something. Something chewy or crunchy -- something with good mouth feel. Something to get the dopamine flowing. Something to distract and delay from life. Avoid as much and long as possible -- I'm doing THIS now, I'm eating. Just another way to procrastinate away existence. But I'm getting big and bloated and disgusting. My stomach always hurts. My digestion is fucked. I want more than anything to not be a disgusting pig so I'm taking back control. I have planned out what to eat today -- high protein, two meals. Setting alarms to check in with myself and make sure I drink water throughout the day. I expect the sugar withdrawal is going to hit me hard very soon so I will have to power through. I'm finishing up some work right now and then I will go make first meal and I'll make an electrolyte mixture to help with hydration and headaches when the sugar cravings start. I can do this. I have to do this. 6:49 pm: Welp the day got away from me. Still on diet plan though behind in water because we were out longer than expected and I didn't want to have to pee every 5 minutes while we were out. Working through the second litre now, and I am having an alcoholic drink even though it's not really on plan. Took my niece to the hospital earlier. Should be nothing -- probably her OCD blowing something minor out of proportion but I don't fuck around with medical stuff so yeah. Doubling my normal protein when I do keto hoping it'll help my hair thinning (will it or am I crazy?). Currently at 1285 cals, 99.5g protein, 9.6g carbs. Hoping it won't take too long to get back into ketosis. Feeling really good and not hungry though and not going to smoke tonight so should have no problem avoiding the sugary sweets upstairs. All for husband. My girl is kneading on me and asking for attention now so time for snuggles. 10:00 pm: Felt restless so went for a walk earlier. Husband thought I was crazy but I'm glad I went, it felt good. He's eating cookies right now and I'm not even tempted. Weird. Not sure I'll get through all this water as I still have 20 oz to go and I want to go to bed soon! Going to lurk on reddit and then either fall asleep on the couch or go to bed! 10:00 p.m. - December 04, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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