Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sad days... 8:40 am: 143.8. Down 1.8. Didn't stick to the plan but still lost. Planning better today. The dark feelings were really intense a couple weeks ago and then have been doing a sort of wave. Today feels like a low. I want to cry? I want to sleep? I want to just do nothing? I don't judge people for not reaching out because I rarely reach out. But there are a few I usually check in on. But no one checks in on me. It hurts to see people around me be enabled by people who love them for just existing? Who tell them it's okay to feel bad and be a drain on them. I'm told I'm loved but the world has never felt there for me. This isn't a pity party it's the harsh reality that the world doesn't give a fuck about me and I need take care of myself. I have a difficult time trusting... anything. As I get older and my memory is worse I'm worried this lack of trust will turn to paranoia. I feel safe with my husband but my brain still warns to be cautious. To not leave yourself too vulnerable. He's never betrayed that trust in 18 years. What is so broken in me? He wants to go walk now and I think I need it too. I didn't update yesterday because life got in the way but will try to today. I need to stay grounded. 8:40 a.m. - November 21, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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