Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 1 Déjà Vu... 6:33 am: 145.6. +/-0. I don't feel in as deep of a hole but still not in a great place. I've been so self-absorbed and hating my body, I know it's affecting my relationship. It's not the worst but it's in a place I don't like to be. I hate this body. It's mine but I don't want it. Six days to lose as much weight as possible. I want to fast but after the carb fest these past few days I think that'll trigger it to continue. Strict keto until I feel safe then I'll fast if necessary. Part of my failing is not planning. But I put off all the planning I was supposed to do this weekend for Christmas. We have a few appointments today, so in between those after I finish some admin stuff I will set out a plan for dinners this week, and a baking plan for Christmas gifts, and a plan for what to bring to a few events we already know we're attending. I feel like I'm rambling. I didn't want to get out of bed it was so warm and cozy and he was holding me. I wanted to drift back into another dream -- it was a good dream night. But I felt like I needed to get up and start doing and I really felt like I wanted to write here. But then I got here and it's not flowing. But I guess even if it feels forced right now it's still good to practice getting my thoughts out. A goal aside from diet is to read some of the book I got from the library last week, and update here regularly to keep me on track. 6:33 a.m. - November 20, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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