Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knew I'd fuck it up... 7:42 am: 140.8. Up 1lb. Up one fucking pound. I hate myself. I did binge on the candy. I almost didn't. I fell asleep on the couch. But then I woke up a little before one and ate it all like a greedy pig. Out of control. No thought. And then what? Well first I'm up a fucking pound. And second -- it's only about 7 hours later and my stomach is grumbling. I'm hungry?! Fucking seriously? Goes to show how addicted to this shit I am. Birthday party tonight and it won't be the safest foods but it won't be the worst. I hope I'll be able to fine mostly protein and veg with not too much sugar in the sauce. Planning to fast until then though might have some cream or an egg if the hunger gets really bad. Something so I don't binge again. It wasn't a huge binge -- not even close -- it was the planned and tracked portions. But I was out of control. On autopilot. I think it was because I really wanted a glass of wine and when I couldn't my brain just went into overdrive. Husband had a few drinks and I don't know I was just feeling really lonely and left out. Being alone with myself and hyper aware of myself sometimes spirals me into overthinking my own thoughts. Since I was young. Anxiety was mostly doing okay when I was sticking strictly to keto. Maybe it was those 2 days of sugar even though minimal. I need to take this as a sign. A warning. A lesson. I need to try harder for myself. My health. 7:42 a.m. - November 04, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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