Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 3: Feeling Okay 11:04 am: 146. Down a pound which isn't bad but I guess I expected more having gone to bed early so didn't binge and consumed less than 600 cals. Feeling blah but calm. Focused and not craving. Feeling in control. 4:28 am: Hit me around 1pm that I wasn't hungry or having any sort of cravings (all I'd had was 500mL water and a black coffee in the morning). Maybe I'm back in ketosis? I'll test later. Anyway by about 3:30 my head really started hurting from having my hair tied up and then it migrated to my sinuses so I had some bone broth and spaghetti squash. After that it was like back to normal -- as soon as I start eating anything then I just want to keep eating. So I had some cream cheese and homemade flax crackers and now I'm having some black tea. Feeling a little out of control but trying to stay calm. Head still hurts so I might need to get some electrolytes in. Planning to have egg salad and romaine lettuce a little later which will put me at 660 cals and 17.4g carbs. I think I need a bit more protein but nothing simple and I'm tired. This tea is comforting my hands, my body and my soul. 9:35 pm: Had some electrolytes and food and headache got a little better for a while but is now back with a vengeance. I should probably try to sleep but while I feel tired I'm not sure I could sleep. 758 cals and 19.9g carbs. Drinking or consuming cannabis really helps me eat I guess. Restricting when I'm dry isn't even work. If the headache is gone tomorrow morning I might even reach the elusive restriction high. Though I don't think I'll really feel it until the 120s. Am I really doing this again? Was the fact that alcohol lowers my anxiety/inhibition and makes me want to eat more (let myself eat more?) just an excuse to keep drinking? A few years back I broke down and told my husband I didn't want to be sick. That I didn't want to do this until I was too weak that if something happened I couldn't recover. Like what happened to his family member. That I wanted to be better. But do I? It's been years now and I got back to my HW and I don't think I want that. Starving and losing weight makes me feel best so why fight it? One day at a time I guess. 9:35 p.m. - October 17, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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