Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another Day 1... Day 2 of writing here again. Lazy, rainy, cold Sunday. Currently curled up on the couch with a cat. B is upstairs prepping dinner. I've been drinking too much since Thursday including today though food wise I'm planning to stay on track, but I am finishing the bottle. Less temptation throughout the week I guess. I prepped a bunch of safe foods so the next few days will be easy and once I'm back in ketosis it shouldn't be too difficult. Rules: A few months ago I set the goal of hitting 117 by 31 October but I fell off the wagon and that is no longer realistic but maybe being here will help me stay accountable. I know I could get back to 100 by Christmas but let's not get ahead of ourselves, eh? Years back I tracked calories like this religiously for 2 or 3 years - didn't miss a day. I worked so hard to break that habit and here I am trying to get back into it? Am I a fool? I tried to not care these past years. I hoped maybe one day I would look in the mirror and love this person. But I just don't. I don't want to be the fat wife. This is the only thing that makes me feel successful. The only thing that feels right. So why fight it? I'm going to give in and see where it takes me. 1097 cals planned (including 2.5 oz alcohol), 19.9g carbs. I didn't weigh today but will update tomorrow. UPDATE: Cramps are creeping in and I can't sleep so why not update now? It's almost midnight and I'm at 1053 calories but 25g carbs because I ended up eating some extra dark chocolate because I felt like binging. Didn't binge though and based on how my body feels right now I think I'll be fine until tomorrow. Have an appointment tomorrow morning, really hoping to feel better than this by then. A lot of anxiety surrounding some major things we need to do soon. Scale is 148 rn so we'll see what tomorrow's official weigh in clocks in at. Feeling lonely and sick. Hoping the darkness starts to fade soon. 11:36 p.m. - October 15, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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