Ramblings of the mind...

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Starting to feel out of control so need to push even harder...

144.6. Up 0.4. I feeling extremely exhausted/fatigued yesterday and tried upping my electrolytes so maybe some water retention. Also ate more mixed nuts so I mean I probably just fucked up. Ended the day at 1538 cals (99.2g protein & 30.4g net carbs). I was really hungry yesterday evening and craving. Thinking I'm going to buy chips this weekend. Will try to delay it. Is it hormones? Is it because carbs are too high? I slept well. Still tired but not as exhausted as yesterday so I hope my energy doesn't dip on me. Didn't want to walk yesterday but Husband convinced me to try to help feel more awake and it did help a bit. Planning to walk later when I get him up. I hope it's a nice enough day to get the plants outside, they really need the sun. There's an F1 race this weekend so that'll be something to do and maybe a bike ride or a hike. I have some admin stuff to get caught up on today so definitely need to do that. Haven't decided if I am going to drink this weekend. I know only drinking on weekends is an improvement from daily. But at some point I'll have to try a sober weekend. It'll help my weight loss that's for sure. I'd like to attempt a multi-day fast but think I'll wait for when I can go a weekend without drinking or cheating. That way it'll compound instead of being reactive and likely triggering a binge. I desperately want to get to a better place but I'll even take the current situation -- I'm terrified of slipping back to the daily binging & drinking for weeks and months. Alright that's enough of a brain dump I think. Coffee is getting cold.

5:35 a.m. - April 19, 2024

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