Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Down but not defeated... 147. Up 0.6. That's frustrating. Ended yesterday at 1240 cals (102.3g protein & 19.2g net carbs). All safe foods so I thought the morning result would be better but that's just how the fluctuations go sometimes. I'm still upset about it. We have a meeting with some important people and I'm tired of looking like a stuffed ham in my dress clothes. The one manager is so tall and thin and lovely. She always dresses purposefully. At least that's how poignant it feels to me. I'll never even be in that realm. Cravings for sugar and easy carbs did hit hard in the evening. He was eating chips and the smell kept wafting over to me. It wasn't overwhelming but it was strong. I have tools to deal with this. I ate enough protein - I wasn't *hungry*. I know what my bigger goals are and giving in to every whim of my "animal brain" is counterproductive. The longer I resist my my drug (sugar), the easier it gets. I definitely have a problem with drinking and I know I need to stay on top of not letting it slide into being part of the regular daily cast. Sugar is the same but worse. I can drink in moderation. I've done it. I'm doing it currently - I know what to buy to keep myself from falling down the rabbit hole. Sugar though. Sugar is fucking everywhere. And with sugar, I'm not sure I can do "moderation" as it were. It lights something up in my brain and takes over. Some times that turns into a binge. Other times it's a long drawn out affair. Either way it's keeping me fat and weak (body AND mind). Maybe if I can avoid it and stay clean for long enough... maybe then I could consume in moderation. But right now this is the only way I can stay on top of it. So yeah, I didn't binge last night, and I didn't drink or smoke or consume any sugar (other than minimal amounts in veg and some dairy). I didn't even eat anything after dinner. This should set me up for a decent day cravings-wise. We have to leave earlier than usual today which is alright but means I have less "wake up" time. Will still have time to go for a walk and get the chores done. I already made him a sandwich for lunch. We not only managed to go for a walk yesterday morning but also another one in the afternoon. It was warm but cloudy until about an hour before the eclipse totality. We didn't have the special glasses but we tried to make a projection with binoculars and paper. It didn't really work and I'm not sure what I was doing wrong but to be fair I didn't watch the whole instructional video lol. The backyard got eerie though so we knew it was happening. It felt "weird". We just hung around the backyard and experienced it which was cool. We put the rain barrel back together and swept up some leaves. Threw down some grass seed. This will be our 3rd summer here. We've done more with the backyard than the interior of the house. We're getting raised planters and I've started some seeds inside. I've wanted to grow vegetables my whole life and last year we got 2 zucchinis. The earwigs got the cauliflower and broccoli. Anyway I'm excited to try and learn more this year. Time to finish this coffee and get started on the day. 18:56 : Low carb and ketosis are insane. I fasted most of the day (because I forgot to pack the bacon I was going to bring for a lunchtime snack). Got home around 3 and ate a hard boiled egg, the bacon I forgot earlier and some cottage cheese. Around 5:30 Husband says he wants to eat. I had lost track of time. I wasn't hungry. I cooked dinner and served myself the pre-planned amounts of ground beef and red pepper (fried in a bit of coconut oil YUM). With the preplanned stuff I would be at 868 cals but halfway through dinner I just couldn't eat anymore. I'm still very full. Took my vitamin and slowly getting through the rest of the water. Protein is a little low so I'm considering a protein shake but I also need to finish dinner and I'm just not in the mood to consume anything. I guess I can weigh what I didn't eat to get an accurate number. I hope I'm down weight tomorrow. 5:16 a.m. - April 09, 2024 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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