Ramblings of the mind... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rambly, shambly mind... 6:50 am: 143.4. Up 0.4. Started to binge last night but arrested it so that's something I guess. I consumed some cannabis but earlier in the evening and then no more so again further proof that sobriety helps me stay smaller, and helps me actually lose weight and achieve my goals. I should have come here instead and tried to process the feelings I guess. Emptiness? Longing? Usually when I drink or binge it's to avoid. Avoid a task (procrastination expert over here)... or avoid feelings. I'm not sure what it was last night. Boredom? Maybe trying to reverse the numb and actually feel something? I fell asleep on the couch with him but then woke up to him telling me the drain was clogged. Still draining slowly at least. And the upstairs sink has been draining slowly for a while too and we've just been putting off dealing with it. We put some chemical down and went to bed. I flushed everything through this morning and all seems good so yay for now. We have another meeting this morning but not as far of a drive. I need to do Christmas planning and figure out some safe meals to have/prep so I can try to pull myself out of this slump. The morning walks are hopefully turning into a nice routine. We're getting familiar with some of the regulars and I don't know what it is about walking but I just love it. The frost is heavier in the mornings now. Lingers a little longer. He says he turned the heat up but I don't feel it. I'm cold and it bothers me but I'd rather wait until snow starts staying or it gets consistently colder before really turning it up. I'd love it to be warmer in the house but I guess I picked up too much of my Mom and especially since the cost of gas is so high -- even if I'm miserably cold -- I can still hear her: "If you're cold put on a sweater!". So I put on another layer. And another. 2 shirts and a sweater. Long underwear and track pants. Socks and slippers. Sometimes a hat and gloves. Sometimes blankets ha! Sometimes it's annoying. Other times it's cozy as fuck. Funny thing is I think my Mom keeps their house warmer these days -- but that's good because they are older and deserve to be comfortable. 6:50 a.m. - November 17, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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